A person’s true character is most clearly perceptible in times of trial and distress.  When life goes well, one tends to project a curated version of oneself to the world but when times are tough, one’s true self is manifest.  In today’s Gospel reading, Joseph’s true character is fully on display. 

The Gospel says that Joseph and Mary were betrothed.  Betrothal was much more than being engaged to be married; it was the penultimate step in the process of marriage in Jesus’ culture.  The final step was for the groom to take the bride to live in his home.  At the beginning of this story, Joseph and Mary were considered, by their families and neighbors, to be a married couple. 

It was a very serious situation, then, for Mary to be found with child by someone other than Joseph, her husband.  Joseph was probably deeply insulted that his wife appeared to have been unfaithful to him.  Certainly, he would have wanted a son of his own rather than having to raise someone else’s child. 

When the Gospel says that Joseph decided to divorce Mary “quietly,” it didn’t mean that Joseph wanted to keep an embarrassing situation from becoming public knowledge. (Mt 1:19)  Rather, it meant that Joseph did not want Mary, the child, and the true father to suffer the penalty for infidelity, which was death by stoning. 

Joseph, the “righteous man” showed extreme mercy and generosity in a situation that didn’t warrant it. (Mt 1:19)  This is the meaning of “righteousness” in the Scriptures.  Joseph felt betrayed and rejected, but he did not return injury for injury; he was willing to forgive the wrong done to him.  For this reason, Joseph is a model of virtue, not only for fathers, but for all people.  Joseph’s example is also an appropriate topic for reflection at the present time. 

At this time in our world’s history and at this time of year, we are likely to encounter people who do not share our values.  Faithful Catholics are likely to encounter relatives and friends who no longer practice the Faith.  The diversity of lifestyles and the conflictual nature of human society make it a certainty that we will encounter people who disagree with us, challenge us, or simply reject what is important to us. 

The most common responses to disagreement and conflict are fully on display in the world.  It is expected that one return insult for insult and injury for injury.  It is considered virtuous to be the first to make a baseless accusation or a contemptuous remark.  The sort of public and private behavior that would have been considered reprehensible to a previous generation has become the new normal. 

The erosion of morality tells us a few things about the society in which we live.  Firstly, many people feel themselves to be under pressure economically, politically, socially, or otherwise and, due to the widespread lack of adequate coping skills, the favored response is to lash out in fear and anger.  Secondly, the infantile, vengeful, and spiteful behavior that is so common indicates that our true character, on the local, national, and world levels, is immature, vindictive, and cruel. 

Joseph, as portrayed in today’s Gospel reading, also tells us a few things about the society in which we live.  Firstly, Joseph’s example tells us that selfishness, mercilessness, and coarseness are not the only options for dealing with stress and challenges.  Secondly, Joseph’s extraordinary virtue is intended by God to be the new normal for all believers. 

How should we react to those whom we meet during the holidays who don’t share our values or beliefs?  How should we behave towards those who no longer practice the Faith?  How should we interact with those whose politics, lifestyles, or commitments differ from our own? 

The society in which we live has a response to those questions that is very different from the response proposed by the Scriptures.  Consequently, we must choose between incivility and decency.  One way of making this choice is to determine what sort of world you want to live in – keeping in mind that your choice reveals your deepest self.  Another way of making this choice is to attend to Jesus’ commands. 

Joseph lived a just and decent life in the face of overwhelming obstacles.  His example indicates that it is fully possible for anyone to do the same.  Furthermore, Christians are required to be forgiving, reasonable, and trustworthy if they want to be known as righteous people.   

Your true self might well be on display this holiday season.  What will that say about you, and what will it be like for those around you?  The choice is yours to make.  You can choose to be a model of virtue like Joseph, or you can choose to be a model of vice.